What do I do?

01/04/10 | Posted by Poppy

It is really tough when, as a parent, you see your child bullied at school. Two of mine have had real problems with this and, as a Christian, I really struggle. On one hand I am tasked with loving my neighbour and turning the other cheek. On the other Jesus was known for valuing children. It is difficult to know what to do when it is my child that is being thrown across a room or punched in the stomach.

image
 bully boy

So what do I do?

I’ve reported the behaviour to the school when I know about it. One school was brilliant and really took it seriously. They spoke to all the boys about bullying and how it felt to be picked on every day. The odd thing was that the other boys hadn’t thought about what it might feel like to be one the receiving end of constant taunts and shoves. The positive thing is that the bullying has stopped.

The other school is finding it harder to deal with.

Perhaps it the fact that it is my children that are being hurt makes it harder for me to deal with. I have been a school governor and I had a real impact in one school, making it a much safer place to be and being part of a team that began to drive up teaching standards so that all children, not just the ones with parents that could help with homework, had a chance of a good education. But as soon as my protective mother instincts come into play I loose all my distance and just want to get in there and sort it. This is not always possible and my boys need to learn to stand on their own.

What keeps me going is knowing that getting angry and wanting to change things isn’t wrong. Sometimes you can get the impression that Jesus went around being nice and smiley all of the time. This is far from the case. In the week before he was executed Jesus went to Jerusalum and drove the money changers and stall holders out from the temple. He got cross. You can read about it here.

Anger is not always good emotion. I see enough people, day to day, who are riddled with it and it poisons their lives and the lives of those around them. But anger, where the emotion spurs action that will change a child’s life or the lives of many children, seems to be better than letting the bullies get away with it. It just has to be done in a calm and measured way.

So even though I’m livid that children think it is OK to hit, kick and bully others, I’ll keep on at the school. I’ll make sure that the next time mine gets hit we take him to casualty to make sure there is a record and we will write formal letters of complaint to the head.

And I will pray for those who are hurting my children. For them and for me.

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Your comments

That really is tough, like you said I think you’ll have to hang on in there with the school. I hope you see some sort of resolution for it soon. Lucy x

#1. By Lucy on April 02, 2010

THERE HAS ALWAYS BEEN SOME TYPE OF BULLYING IN SCHOOL EVEN IN MY SCHOOL AND I WAS BORN 1936. WHAT MAKES IT WORSE TODAY IS DRUGS BEING TAKEN IN SCHOOLS AND THOSE WHO HAVE IT NEED MONEY TO BUY MORE HENCE THE BULLYING. THERES ALWAYS A NUMBER ONE WHO OTHER KIDS LOOK UP TO BUT IT DOESN’T STOP IN SCHOOLS ITS ON THE STREETS AS WELL.A YOUNG GIRL HANGS HERSELF ANOTHER WOMAN AND DAUGHTER IN THE CAR THEY SET ALIGHT .AND THIS GOVERMENT IS A FAULT BY NOT CONTROLLING IT.BULLYING IS PERSECUTION THAT JESUS ALSO SUFFERED [ SWANSEA ]

#2. By Ted Lyon on April 11, 2010

I really feel for you. My son was bullied from Primary school, until he left secondary school (a ‘Christian school’!)at 16.As parents we followed advice, reported every incident, kept a bully log, encouraged him to make friends outside of school,reported incidences to the police,spoke to doctors, etc, but nothing worked.Throughout his time at school he stayed very strong and relied on his faith,but the experience has had a devastating effect on him.He became anorexic at the age of 14,but doctors did nothing - telling me that it is up to him to ask for help.He is almost 18 now, has given up on his Christian beliefs,spends all his time locked in his room, and I fear for his future. I still pray that the Lord will answer my prayers, bring healing and hope.

#3. By Mary on April 21, 2010

I was bullied at my catholic school, a, i was overweight and, b, an only child.  My parents were unsure that they would ever have a child after 11 years of marriage.  Did that make them any less in God’s eyes?

#4. By lisa hurley on April 25, 2010

Bullying is horrible whatever the reason given. I had a rough time at school for a while as I have red hair and that was enough for me to be a bit different and attract the attention of those who wanted someone to pick on.

Prayers for all who have posted here.

#5. By Poppy on April 26, 2010

He should stand up and fight

#6. By Jason on April 30, 2010

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